There’s something I’ve been noticing in my practice lately.
A lot of people are uncomfortable with the idea that they need relationship.
Not want. Need.
The word itself feels charged. If you admit that you need someone, it means you’re not secure enough yet. Not evolved enough. Not independent enough.
We praise self-sufficiency. We admire the person who can do everything alone. And there’s strength in that. But sometimes what looks like independence is just armor.
You can be capable and still need connection.
You can manage your life well and still feel that it’s different when it’s shared.
Relational needs don’t make you weak. They don’t mean you’re regressing into childhood dependency. They just mean you’re human.
It took me a long time to say that without cringing.
If this feels familiar, you might notice what happens in you when you imagine saying, “I need relationship in my life.” Does it feel exposed? Embarrassing? Or quietly true?
I unpack this further in the latest podcast episode, To Be Human Is to Need.
If you’d like to listen, it’s live now.
If you prefer to read, there's an essay about it, too.
Until next time,
Lacey
The Unbecoming Letter