E.13 - Why Your "Toxic Traits" Are Actually Just Outdated Adaptations

If you are exhausted from trying to fix your "toxic traits," you need to hear this.

The things you go to therapy to fix—the people-pleasing, the emotional shutdown, the hypervigilance—are not malfunctions. They are highly sophisticated programs that your nervous system wrote to navigate a very specific environment. And they worked. They kept you connected in the room you were in.

The problem is that we carry that software into adulthood and mistake it for hardware. We think it's just who we are.

In this episode, we talk about the difference between adapting as a person and adapting into a person. We break down why the standard self-help model (which tells you that if you just had a more attuned caregiver, you wouldn't be like this) is fundamentally flawed. And most importantly, we talk about what to do when the environment changes, but your nervous system doesn't get the memo.

You don't need to dismantle yourself. You just need to orient your body to time.

In this episode, we cover:

• Why human adaptation is an inevitability, not an injury
• The difference between software and hardware in your nervous system
• Why childhood adaptations feel like skin instead of a coat
• How to update your system without fighting it

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Read the companion essay on Substack.

Read the books: theunbecominghub.com/thebook