Sleep

When I watch you sleep, my heart fills with both love and fear.

You look so peaceful, so content — safe and trusting in my arms.

I see innocence in your face, hear it in your breath.

There is not a single cell in your body holding stress or tension.

You are completely at ease.

When I watch you sleep, I imagine all the suffering you will one day face.

I wonder why you chose to come here — why Earth, why now.

This world holds heartache, pain, despair, grief, and so many shadows that can tear us apart.

My insides ache thinking about it.

When I watch you sleep, I face the reality that nothing is guaranteed.

That one day, I could lose you.

I hold you close and imagine a world where I can’t — and I cry every time at the thought.

When I watch you sleep, I also imagine the joy and laughter you’ll know.

The bright-eyed moments when I’ll see you alive and fully awake to life.

I can’t wait for those moments.

When I watch you sleep, I wonder what you’ll feel about me one day.

Will you like me?

Will you call me when you’re grown?

Will you let me be part of your world?

I hope so.

I love you more than anything in this life.

When I watch you sleep, I remember this time is fleeting.

One day, you won’t fit in my arms.

One day, you won’t want to be held.

You will outgrow me, as you should.

But for now, I get to hold you.

I get to witness your unfolding, moment by moment.

I don’t want to miss a single breath of it, because I know these days are numbered.

I know it will not always be this way.

And thank God for that —

because you have a life to live.