When Insight Isn't Enough
A question I hear often goes something like this:
“I understand myself. I know my patterns. I know where they come from. So why do I still react the same way?”
There’s an assumption buried in that question—that awareness should automatically create change, and when it doesn’t, the conclusion is usually that we need more insight. More explanation. More understanding.
But what if the problem isn’t a lack of insight?
Most self-work begins from an unspoken premise: something is wrong with me. Even when the language is gentle or sophisticated, the orientation is often the same—find what’s broken and fix it.
The process of unbecoming starts somewhere else.
It begins with a different premise: you are already whole.
The patterns you’re trying to change are not evidence of defect. They’re adaptations—ways you learned to maintain connection, safety, or belonging. And adaptations can be undone without fixing who you are.
Here’s the shift that matters:
Instead of asking, “Why am I like this?”
Unbecoming asks, “What am I identified with right now—and do I need to be?”
That question alone can soften a lot of pressure.
When you stop organizing your growth around becoming better, the striving eases, and the urgency to arrive somewhere else quiets. You may not feel whole yet, but you can begin living from the possibility that you already are.
That changes how you relate to yourself, your patterns, and your life.
If this orientation resonates, I wrote more about it in this week’s essay. There’s no need to resolve anything right away. Just noticing the premise you’re living from is already the process.
—
Lacey
